THE DAY WHEN I REALISED

I've read psychology fact about friendship, that we will lost some old friends and make a new one every some years, I forgot the exact words, hehe. And I think right now I agree  with that fact. So the story began...

I always try to be the best person for others especially for my friends. I will make confession time, haha. I described myself as introvert, hard to trust others, hate liars, and can't forget others mistake, I try to forget but I just can't :(. So since long time a go, I actually have my list for friends that made me hurt and I can't believe them again. And the list now increase, hehe..Believe it the closest person to you more potential being suspect in the list, haha.

I always try to keep in touch with all my best friends, but now I realised that I'm not good enough doing this thing. and when I knew it, my heart is hurt, and I cry a lot this day because of this. Let's talk about the list.

I have a friend from junior high school, long time a go we were very close till we had different senior high school. Then she go to abroad and we lost contact. Err actually I sent email for her but didn't get the replay :'(. And after she came back in this country I tried again to make contact. and now I know that it just my wishful thinking, haha how foolish I am. She always forgot my birthday on 8 years or so and the climax was when her birthday came, I said it to her, sent her message but didn't get the replay ( again) I realised that I lost her long time a go. But I keep trying to improve the relationship. unfortunately time wasn't on my side, so I let her go, no regrets :).

Another friend from highschool, we didn't that close . I know from the start that I'm being used. she call me when needed me, and when i need her, she didn't there. I know her behaviour, I accept it, till he broke her promises and didn't feel sorry for it. I hate that. She always did it to me, though. So she was in my list, and I didn't regret it either :P.

I think all my list was friends from my highschool, haha. But now there 's  a boy. I didn't remember the problem was, just misunderstanding maybe. But when I try to keep in touch with him again, I knew something wrong. He wasn't the same person that I know long time a go. I didn't want the new of him, so I let him walk away from my miserable life too.

The most trivial things was I've put my friend to the list because he broke his promise to lend me his book, haha.It's silly but hey I hate his action. so one day when he came to home he say to lend me a book, but on that day I message him to take his book, but he didn't replay it, So I canceled borrow his book. Days after that he send me message, ask me something but I didn't replay it, haha. I just can't forget his behaviour before. so just like that he's on my list, he never knew my list though.

And the new one, that make me cry (because my hormon increase not because I'm terafull :P), haha. One of my bestfriends back in highschool just married but didn't tell me. It's make my heart ache. On her very important moment, she didn't tell me any word. Damn, I feel betrayed. It's still fresh on my memories the silly things that we willl make on our wedding, such us the childish invitation design cards etc. Thought she forgot all of that. And I know she deliberaty forgotten cause before that wedding, she said happy birthday to me and I said the same to her ( just two days after mine is her birthday) but she didn't tell me anything. So I'm not good enough for her, and she was not good enough for me either. I'm done with it. End of story :p.

All of the judgment above is from my mind right now, the worst in me maybe that made a list like that, haha. But seriously I will not trust them anymore. So I think my friends don't know me better if they don't know my hobby to make a list on everything :D. Maybe they're still didn't know my others secret. I can keep it as long as I want, though.

I always try the best and give the best of me to all the people I love. But I will tell that people/ friends that really know me ( on my best and worst) can be counted on fingers. And I always grateful for their love to me.

So because I lost some friends, It's time to make the new one. I think I will try harder this time to make the new one and still keep the old friends :))

Best wishes to all people around the world, give kiss and hugs to people that you love ;)