START OVER

Hello there, it’s been really long time since i writing and posting in this blog. Lots of things happened in my life since then. Where should i begin the story? The sad one maybe? Okay.. last two years i can’t write maybe because i lost the inspiration and my sense. My mother had ill and she had to get the hemodialysis in hospital twice  a week. Also because oh her sickness she often get hospitalized and it’s only me that she had, and my time i dedicated to took care of her. At that time i can say that my first home is in the hospital and second home is in the work place ( yep i still work cos can’t get the leaving day, but all my friends really help me at that time). I just went home to do the laundry and back to the hospital and sleep there. I think it’s the worst scenario at that time, cos sometimes when i really felt tired i can’t talk to someone else. I don’t have someone to rely on, to share the burden i had.  If only i knew, that my time with my mom just a little, i will do my best to protect her, to comfort her, and to say that i love her so much. I always think that i am not the best daughter in the world to my parent, and i didn’t say more love to both of them when they’re still here. If i can go back to the past i just want to say that i love them so much and try to be the good daughter for them. And till now after my dad passed away 5 years a go and my mom 2 years a go, i still missed them everyday, every time. First time i realised that now i live all alone in this cruel world, i just felt numb. I don’t feel anything, my emotion was flat and all my belief seems disappeared. I didn’t do my habit when my birthday came for example. When my mom still beside me, on my birthday i always bought cake and made a wish before blew the candle. But after she wasn’t here i don’t do it again, cos i don’t have wishes anymore. Everything became different, and i started to build the wall around me and keep the distance to most people. I will protect my feeling inside and not show it to anyone. I promise to myself and my parent that i will be strong girl and everything will be okay. I will be okay  became my new mantra and i hope time will heal all the hurt and sadness. Unfortunately, time not healing. The hurt, sadness and mourning still here, deep inside my heart. I am not whole anymore cos i realised something that i missing is the most important things for me, and nothing in the world can change it. I do all the activity just like the habit, like robot. What safe me at that time was the care from friends, yeah only their care not the sympathy. Their words that made me laugh again.

So here i am now, trying to start over everything again. Some say that writing really help to relieve your stress, i think it does help. That’s why i still write postcards and letters to friend of me every now and then. But it would be another story to post, for now i want to make promise again to start writing in this blog. But what should i post in this bog, after so long time absence? Should i just write rambling things like today? I think no one will read it so maybe i will use it as my electronic diary, hehe. Or should i use it to show off my postcard collection? ( yeah i still do that things on my 2 years absence, my collection really growing, and lately i addicted in chain card project hehe). Or should i use the blog to review books, movies? ( that two favorite hobby really help me, and i always enjoy me time doing that activities hehe). I can’t decide it yet, let me think about it again... though lately i really love watching Kdrama, and enjoy Kpop, i am surely not use this blog to write about that thing. ( yeaah maybe i will write about that in here and there a little haha).

Until then, take care and be happy!!!